1.INFATUATION seems to happen all at once, often before you know each other well at all. And it usually disappears as quickly as it began. This is especially true when replaced by another “instant” relationship. It almost always leaves one or both persons feeling sorry about ever having had the relationship at all.
LOVE grows more slowly, with time. For you can’t love someone unless and until you really know them, and only to the extent that you do; and knowing someone well takes time. Even if the special relationship comes to an end, love leaves two people richer for the experience and grateful for the privilege of having known each other. It leaves them good friends.
2.INFATUATION is jealous, mistrusting and uncertain. It makes you wonder whether or not he or she is being true to you when you are not around. You worry, when he or she is friendly with someone else of the opposite sex, that they will drop you for another.
LOVE is trust. It brings security. Any relationship that breeds constant jealousy and suspicion is not worthy of the name. Instead with LOVE you feel more confident and sure of yourself and of your own worth. LOVE is a constant unfelt touch.
3.INFATUATION is in a hurry. You can’t wait – for love, to go steady, for sex, or even for marriage. You are afraid that you will lose her or him if you don’t act now. It sometimes makes you plunge in head first, even when the pool is dry, and long before you know how to really swim.
LOVE because it is more sure can wait for what it right and for the right time. You know that if your LOVE is true in the first place, it will last. It is learned gradually.
4.INFATUATION is more often sex-centred. It makes you more concerned about having sex and experiencing pleasure than about who might get hurt as a result. Without the thought or enticement or experience of sex, things get pretty dull –even boring. If their sex-appeal disappeared- or yours, the entire relationship itself would most likely, abruptly end.
LOVE cares about the welfare of the other as much as your own. You would not risk hurting her or him or being hurt yourself unnecessarily. LOVE loves all of you- the height or figure you don’t have, the nuances of your personality and your character- the total person that you are. Sex, protected within marriage adds delightful and special feelings, but even if a witch turned you into a frogface overnight, the one who loves you, still would.
5.INFATUATION might lead you to do things you don’t really think are right- just to keep your “love”, or even more devious, it will talk you into trying to think something is right, even when you know deep down it’s not. In short, it can sometimes bring out the very worst in you.
LOVE makes you more likely than ever to do what you know is right. If someone loves you, they will respect your conscience; and if you love them, you will also respect theirs. Love will not ask you to do things you are normally unsure of or are not ready for. It brings out the best in your character.
6.The trauma of INFATUATION tends to make other relationships suffer, at home, at school or college, or at work. You want to be together all the time and no longer seem to enjoy spending as much time with others. You become more irritable and impatient with others and sometimes not very easy to live with at all.
LOVE enhances all the other good relationships in your life. It gives you strength to cope better with the hassles you have with your family and others. You become more gracious and giving.
7.INFATUATION is a ride on an emotional roller coaster, making you often sad or moody for no reason. Your day is made or broken by whether or not the phone rings. INFATUATION depends on warm feelings to sustain it. When the going gets tough, your relationship becomes shaky, and you with it. Infatuation also day dreams an awful lot- about how perfect and ideal your life would be if you could be together, if you were married, if ….. if….. if……..!!
LOVE is steady and unshakable. It is an attitude and not just a feeling. Feeling sexy over someone is not love. It’s nice but it’s not love. Rather love is knowing that you care about someone no matter how you feel. Feelings can change as easily as the weather. Love lasts. It helps you live the present with much more realism and energy. It looks forward to the future and prepares for it wisely- but doesn’t live tomorrow now. Love is happy today.
8.INFATUATION always need a mirror- to make sure you look and act the way you think he or she wants you to. It makes you afraid that if he or she knew you as you really are, they might not love you any longer. Its tough trying to stand on a pedestal and hold the same perfect pose for very long. In fact, its impossible. INFATUATION wears the other like a trophy. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that that if he or she weren’t someone popular or good-looking whom you could show off to your friends, your feelings about him or her would be a lot less romantic.
LOVE is honest. It lets you speak freely what is on your mind without being afraid that you will be rejected. You can let your deepest self be known with confidence that it will be treated with care. And you can freely let the other know what they say and do and are. Simple honesty will do just fine. LOVE needs no pedestal. It also treats the other as a person and not as a status symbol to be used. Being good looking and popular aren’t all that important – you’ll love them even if they weren’t.
9.INFATUATION often makes you feel trapped like you are missing out on other things and other people and a part of what you’d like to experience new in life- like an animal chaired and confined.
LOVE is freedom. You don’t own any one and they cannot own you. No one can ever “be” to you like a trinklet or toy- and you really can’t be “possessed” by another. Your life is your own. LOVE gives you the security and the impetus to reach out and explore as much as possible of what life has to offer- and someone with whom to share your discoveries. LOVE is an eagle soaring.
10.INFATUATION covers up what doesn’t fit. You have nagging doubts about his or her values. You don’t see the same things as being important and perhaps you find yourself disagreeing with the things she or he does or the way they treat people. But you overlook all that because she or he is the only one who matters.
LOVE doesn’t expect you to compromise your values. The things and people that were important to you before mean even more now. LOVE can only live and grow in a climate of respect and truth. Your eyes, for lack of honesty or pride, need never avoid each other’s gaze.